pregnancy 2

Gotta figure out a way to lie so my hips don't hurt, gotta support the belly in the night, gotta figure out I'm getting hungry before it happens otherwise it gets too late - no energy to cook, gotta stay upright after eating not to get heartburn, gotta wear the right shoes and walk right or the back aches, gotta eat my prunes... pregnancy is a preview of old age, a reminder, right in the middle of the 'eternity can't touch me' years that a body is a body, gravity is gravity, and we all have a definite shelf life.

Pregnancy is a way to generate remembering of how bodies can dictate and matter rule mind. A way to generate compassion for babies and old people and everyone who has to actively negotiate with a wilful body every day. Humbling. Astonishing.

My husband looks at me and is grateful that he's the man. I look at him and realise there is no way I can ever explain to anyone who hasn't been here, and am grateful, so, so very grateful, that I'm the woman.

There is a glance that flows between pregnant women and the ones who've been there recently enough for the imprint to still be fresh. It is the stuff of conspiracy, of initiatory secret, of that which cannot be spoken simply because words are like ether and pins to a butterfly. The flight, the flow, the dancing, can never be told or touched or explained: only flown, flowed and danced - on ponderous feet with careful balance and a belly full of gentle, primal joy.